Tag Archives: The XYCode

New “Waiting and Working” .pdf for downloading

Okay, CSL, I have read your articles about the Bad Teaching that we have heard about marriage, and I have read what you had to say about good teaching, and I even agree with you. I’ve even spoken to my wife about how I think that we don’t have a good or happy marriage at this time? So now what? What am I supposed to do?

Again, I’m not a marriage counselor, but since when has that stopped me before? You are either thinking about doing your version of The Shot Across the Bow, or you are waiting for some kind of response to it, and don’t know where to go from here. In the past, I have written about what I call The Interim, which is that period that you are now it. I have just uploaded a new .pdf for helping refused spouses with the things that they can do to help themselves as they wait to decide, and some of the things to consider as you think about what you want your marriage to be.

If you are in The Interim, if you don’t know what you should be doing, this .pdf is for you. It is available for downloading on my Free Downloads page, listed in the side bar.


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Filed under Marriage, Marriage & Sexuality, Marriage and Sexuality, Sexuality

Another Year Gone?


In checking the calendar, I’m surprised to see that today is the second anniversary of my first post of this blog. It gives me an opportunity to reflect on what, if anything, I’ve done in my second year.

In coming into 2016, I did make a decision about the content of the blog. When I was flush with the excitement of sitting down to a laptop and flinging thoughts out at the world, …, well, I admit it. I let myself run all over the lot. I started posting about one of my favorite things in life, old movies. I posted about favorite films, favorite actors, and even favorite character actors, the ones you see and say, “Oh, yeah, I remember him/her!” Continue reading


Filed under Marriage & Sexuality, Uncategorized

Hard Things to Hear #6: Lady, It’s Not About You!

(This is the sixth of a seven-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, and part 7.)

In John 6:60, some objected to what Jesus was saying: “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?”. While I’m not Jesus, there are some who will attest that I provoke the same reaction. Might be what I’m saying, but it’s possible it might be my manner. Be that as it may, I’m going to pull rank and lay some things on the line in the next few posts. I’m going to present some things that might be hard to hear, but trust me; forty-three years of marriage is coming at ya!

Last week, I laid into clueless, selfish husbands who refused to learn how to be lovers to their wives. I have read so many anti-testimonies from wives whose husbands have been clueless gits and treated sex as if it was simply a guy thing. You don’t know how good it felt to say some of the things I said in my last post. Unfortunately, too many guys get their ideas about sex from other bell-ends like themselves, and so know nothing about their obligations in marriage. Continue reading


Filed under Marriage & Sexuality

Christian Go-To Marital Tools, part 3.2

(This is the fifth of a five-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3 and part 4.)

In my previous post, I presented how Mr. Natural is the Christian Go-To Marital Tool in many marriages. “Things will work themselves out in the end,” couples are told. What they are not told is that the end might be a devastating divorce or miserable marriage. I believe that The Student is the antidote to Mr. Natural. *

Two Presuppositions

Before I begin, however, I believe it imperative to state two premises that need to be taken as ‘givens’.

First, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage because there are no perfect people. Paul Byerly has said in one of his Generous Husband posts that all men come into marriage with a broken idea of intimacy due to porn in today’s society. I believe that there is no such things as a person who enters marriage whole. We are all broken, in some way, due to the fact that we live in a fallen world, and we have been nurtured in our selfish ways by this world. Whether it be because of bad teaching or bad experience, all come into the marriage with good intentions but broken conditions. Continue reading


Filed under Marriage & Sexuality