Hard Things To Hear #1 : It’s a Clean Thing

(This is the first of a seven-part series; here are the links to part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6 and part 7.)

In John 6:60, some objected to what Jesus was saying: “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?”. While I’m not Jesus, there are some who will attest that I provoke the same reaction. Might be what I’m saying, but it’s possible it might be my manner. Be that as it may, I’m going to pull rank and lay some things on the line in the next few posts. I’m going to present some things that might be hard to hear, but trust me; forty-three years of marriage is coming at ya!

Say Hello To My Little Friend

Guys, this post is directed at you. Let me introduce you to…


I know that we like to be “Manly Men”™, and our man-culture tells us that sweaty and dirty is butch, er, manly. My question is this: who are you wanting to sleep with, your buds in the mud or your wife? Guess what, guys? While there may be outliers on the Smell Scale, most women are not into sweat and dirt. How do I know? Check their kitchens, bathrooms and boudoirs.

In the kitchen, you won’t find your wife running around saying, “A place for everything and where in Hades did I put it?” In the bathroom, how many soaps, shampoos, washes and lotions do you find on the counters and in the cabinets? In the bedroom, can you number the perfumes, colognes, sachets and scented candles?

For years, my concern was only about  how spiffy I was when I left the house in the morning, heading for work. Was I fresh and sparkling clean for my co-workers and students? But for my wife, when I got home? Eh, not so much. It took me years, and a hard conversation or two, to realize that after a day’s work, maybe I wasn’t so fresh.

It’s a Jungle Down There!

Guys, look at the geography of the situation: two land masses join the mainland right at Happy Town. The body is designed to keep Camp Crotch warm, in order to protect our swimmers. It gets hot and sweaty down there, and the conditions can get rather rank. In other words, many of us rot fast. To make matters worse, God has given our wives more acute olfactory abilities. Or as this article says, women smell better.

So here it is, in plain English, guys: get spiffy for the girl. Wash up and slosh on a little English Leather or something. Make the girl happy.

Addendum: I just read this to Wife (she of the 43+ years), and she said to tell you guys this: “She might not tell you, but believe me, she knows!”


Filed under Marriage & Sexuality

9 responses to “Hard Things To Hear #1 : It’s a Clean Thing

  1. Your wife is right. And Mr. Curmudgeon, I think you have a future in comedy, to your dismay, I’m sure. “two land masses join the mainland right at Happy Town,” made me LOL.


  2. Lina

    LOL! Too true!


  3. Pingback: Hard Things To Hear, #2: It’s a Clear Thing | The Curmudgeonly Librarian

  4. Pingback: Hard Things To Hear, #3: It’s A Man Thing | The Curmudgeonly Librarian

  5. Pingback: Hard Things To Hear, #4: It’s a Woman Thing | The Curmudgeonly Librarian

  6. Pingback: Hard Things To Hear, #5: It’s Not About You, Dude! | The Curmudgeonly Librarian

  7. Pingback: Hard Things to Hear #6: Lady, It’s Not About You! | The Curmudgeonly Librarian

  8. Pingback: Hard Things To Hear, #7: The End of the Matter | The Curmudgeonly Librarian

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