Tag Archives: Personal

Of Resets, Resolutions And Reality: part 2


In my last post, I spoke of Reset and Resolution sex as being possible outcomes of having The Talk™, neither of which help a marriage bed to get back on track. In the case of Reset Sex, any uptick in sexual activity is illusory, as it is merely a ploy to tamp down any threatened mutinies to the sacred status quo.

In the case of Resolution Sex, there is intention to improve, to change things for the better, but there is a serious problem with Resolution Sex. While there is intent, there is no intentionality.


Intentionality is the purposeful determination and planning to work through a problem toward a solution. As I said in my last post, this isn’t solely a marriage function; instead, it is a determination that helps us to achieve our goals, no matter what sphere of our lives we are working on.

In my previous post, I contrasted intentionality with the common practice of making New Year’s resolutions. We all know the drill: make a resolution to improve some aspect of your life on Jan 1, and by Jan. 3, it’s history. One of the most common resolutions in America is dieting, to lose weight.

And here is where I have to drop another fig leaf. As you might guess from a picture or two that has surfaced of me on other blogs, I cannot be described as anything close to svelte. I have always had a problem with weight (in fact, I joined the Navy in ‘68 weighing 276 lb. – hey, during that part of the Viet Nam war the Navy took anything breathing.)

Like half of America, I have been on and off different diets and weight-loss plans over the years; you name it, I’ve probably done it: Metrical, Slim Fast, Richard Simmons’ Sweating to the Oldies, Overeaters Victorious, Adkins Diet, etc. I would go with a plan, lose weight, get tired of the diet and go back up. And up. And up.

“Gonna Change My Way of Livin’”

I’m pulling up my Bob Dylan paraphrase from my last post, but this is just what happened. This past year, I have changed many things about my food and nutrition, with the result that I have lost 80 lbs. in a year’s time. Mind you, as I said above, I have been on diets before and have lost weight with varying degrees of success. But this past year, there have also been changes in mindset and intentions that were not present before.

The fact that I saw myself on diets is one major mindset. After all, a diet is a regimen of restricted eating for a period of time in order to achieve a goal. The unspoken thought behind that is that once the goal is achieved, the diet is over, and regular eating can be restored. Instead of reset sex, I replaced it with reset eating.

The change this year? After being “pre-diabetic” for several years, finally being diagnosed with full-blown type 2 diabetes and the doctor putting me on insulin last year prompted many changes.

Wife and I had to confront an ugly truth, one that we could no longer ignore, and so we began to look for help and assistance with this situation. There is a great number of resources for people with diabetes, quite bewildering and overwhelming at times, even. But one thing that helped to turn us around was that Wife and I began attending workshops conducted by a nutritionist that provided us with knowledge and resources we had no idea existed (Well, if I’m going to be honest, resources and stuff I couldn’t have cared less about before the diagnosis.)

Attending the nutritionist’s workshops, I was initially skeptical that anything she would have to say was something I would like, and I did exhibit some of my customary curmudgeonly grumpiness (albeit in a constrained form) during early sessions. But I did learn about just how much certain foods were damaging to me, and over the course of time, I learned of replacements that, surprise!, I actually came to enjoy!

As a result, my eating habits have undergone a complete makeover. Potatoes, rice, and corn are a very rare occurrence in my nutritional lineup, along with the rich gravies and sauces that Wife is so adept at creating. As well, pies, cakes and ice cream aren’t making appearances, at least in forms that previous gave me a blood sugar average of 178, back in March 2017.

Gonna Change My Way of Eatin’

Other foods made their appearances, much to my initial consternation and skepticism. Things like riced cauliflower and veggie tots, protein drinks and greek yogurt became regular staples. All beef is gone, but I have found that turkey is a protein-packed, lo-cal alternative, and so am enjoying many different turkey meals.

Two great electronic finds also made a huge difference in this year’s changes. The first was an app for recording my blood sugar readings, and I was able to see quantifiable information about my diabetes, not just guesstimates. When I started recording my readings, I was shocked at what I was seeing. As I said above, my sugar readings for March 2017 was 178. That doesn’t report the day in which my daily average of three reading was 250+. That’s downright unhealthy, and it was a true wakeup call.

The second app that was recommended to my by the nutritionist was MyFitnessPal, an app for tracking eating and exercise. Given my arthritis, my age, and my sedentary lifestyle, I was skeptical (what else is new?) of this app’s ability to help me.

However, using this app helped me to get a handle on what I was eating, and just how bad my food choices were. Using MyFitnessPal, I track/log everything I eat, and get an instant report on the calories, carbs, fat and protein I am consuming at each meal. As a result, I can make decisions on the foods that I will eat and what I will avoid.

But here’s the thing–having the app would be useless to me if I didn’t have the intention to use it and abide by the strictures of the good choices that would help me.

Making the Right Choice

I realize that, in this post, I am taking a big detour away from the purpose of the CSL blog, which is dealing with marriage and marital problems. But the whole process of what Wife and I did this year, for me to lose weight, can be applied to addressing marriage problems. We were forced to comprehend the actual magnitude of my problem, and then to be intentional in finding and implementing real knowledge and practices that tuned everything around for me. I believe that the same intentionality brought to a sexless marriage can help to heal that marriage.

In my next post, I want to share about three possible root causes for sexlessness in a marriage, and suggest solutions for these root causes. Stay tuned…


ps – For those of you concerned over the health info I shared, here’s the good news: The result is that I have lost 80 lbs., my A1C score has dropped from 9.0 in March ’17 to 5.2 in March ’18. And I no longer have to use insulin.
Intentional change works.

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Filed under Marriage & Sexuality

“Are You Where You’re Needed?” [link]

There is a new post on my other site, CSL On The Bible, should you be so inclined…

btw – for those who don’t get my Twitter announcements, my lead in to this story was “A Methodist minister meets Jesus”. Hope that is intriguing enough. 🙂


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Filed under Christian Beliefs

“Unexpected Good-byes” [link]

As most of my readers know, I have two blogs and whenever I post on my CSL On The Bible, I post a link here for those who might be interested in my writings about topics other than marriage.

Today, I am posting a link to my latest post, but am asking that all of you please go there, read Unexpected Good-byes, and pray for us.


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A Cautious Cheer For #MeToo


This post has been a hard one to write because I understand that it has the potential to upset some very good people, people whom I admire and esteem. But as the old Muslim proverb says, “It is the dead mouse that swims with the current.”

If you scroll down my page, you will find (in the right sidebar) the logo of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association, which, (due to a momentary loss of lucidness) allowed me to become a member. Recently, on the CMBA Facebook page, someone encouraged all the male CMBA bloggers to post something in support of the #MeToo movement, and many of them did so by writing a post about sexual harassment/abuse. Continue reading


Filed under Culture

Rare Opportunity For My Readers

In a post on my other blog, CSL On The Bible, I told how a book that I picked up in January has had a profound effect on my Christian faith. I cited a C. S. Lewis quote, from his short work An Experiment in Criticism, in which he wrote that some readers are so affected by a book [t]heir whole consciousness is changed. They have become what they were not before.”

For me, that book was Sitting At The Feet Of Rabbi Jesus, by Ann Spangler and Lois Tverberg. I poured over that book for months, and then purchased Tverberg’s second book, Walking In The Dust Of Rabbi Jesus. Without a doubt, these two books have changed how I look at the practice of the Christian faith, giving me clarity at what it means to live as a disciple of Jesus Christ. Through my posts this year, I have recommended these books highly.

Today, I received an email from Tverberg’s Our Rabbi Jesus site that announced that, for a limited time, her two books, Sitting… and Walking… are available on Amazon for $2.99 each! This is part of the roll-out for her next book, Reading The Bible With Rabbi Jesus. (Guess what I’m getting for Christmas!)

So, please, my readers, in this season of giving, do yourself a mitzvah** and buy yourself an inexpensive but powerful present. Here are the links for the two books:

Sitting At The Feet Of Rabbi Jesus
Walking In The Dust Of Rabbi Jesus


** mitzvah – good deed.


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Filed under Theology Stuff

Addressing the Man-O-Sphere: The Last Word

readers respond

In my quick reaction post to questions about the Man-O-Sphere (MoS), I did not spare readers my feelings about the it (okay, I did. I kept it clean.) But I did promise that after I got that rant out of my system, I would address the MoS phenomenon and so, here goes.

First off, let me say that I understand the appeal of the MoS. To borrow terminology from Newtonian physics, it is an equal and opposite reaction to feminism in our society. However, an equal, opposite reaction is not necessarily a good thing. Everyone has seen images of the little device called a Newton’s Cradle, which has 5-6 balls suspended in a frame. When one or two are pulled away from the others on one side and allowed to drop back, the force is transferred through the stationary balls to the other side, and they, in turn, are knocked from their place, and so it goes, back and forth.

I see feminism as one side of the cradle and MoS as the other side. I get the reaction to feminism, but that doesn’t mean that an equal and opposite reaction is corrective. In fact, I believe that it is just as toxic as the feminism that it reacts to. Continue reading


Filed under Culture, Sexuality

Now We Are Three


A glance at the calendar shows me that not only did I turn 68 last month, but that today is the third anniversary of the debut of The Curmudgeonly Librarian. In spite of the good advice from those with good taste, I went ahead and started writing, and the jury is still out on the wisdom of the whole mishmash.

In past anniversary posts, I have laid the blame for this blog squarely on the shoulders of those who helped me get this blog set up on Word Press, so there is no need to further sully the reputation of those two excellent bloggers, so Chris and Bonny, you can breathe a sigh of relief on that score. Continue reading

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46 Years

We celebrated our 46th anniversary today. It’s been a great day.

Church and communion this morning, out for Mexican this afternoon, followed by my first Haggen-Daaz. Topped it off with viewing The Shack tonight.

Yeah, it’s been a great day.


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“Why A Rabbi?”, part 1 [link]

I have put up another post on my other blog, CSL On The Bible.

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May 28, 2017 · 2:06 pm

Methodistical Anti-Semitism [link]

There is a new post on my other blog, CSL On The Bible, should you be so inclined.

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May 13, 2017 · 10:55 pm