Tag Archives: Sexuality

Are You Married to a Sex Skeptic?

skiptic

Many years ago, I made the following observation: Sermonizing is the sin of the deadly earnest, no matter what theological colors you may be wearing. As I have aged, all that I’ve observed of the world around me convinces me that I was wonderfully prescient back then.

For example, if your theology is Global Warming, then you come at the debate with the fervor of an Al Gore, demanding that anyone who disagrees with you be locked up or sent to re-education camps. And if your theology is abortion, then “By Billy Bedamned Hangtree, keep your laws off my body! Sorry, Kiddo, it sucks to be you ‘cause Mama wants to shake her groove thang!” Continue reading

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What Is Better, Anyway? pt. 2

better

In my last post, I commented on how refused husbands could relate to and apply the wisdom and knowledge that Chris Taylor, of Forgiven Wife, poured into her blogpost, “I Promise, I’ll Do Better.”

The first part of her post dealt with questions she recommended that a recovering refuser think about asking her husband in order to be intentional in rebuilding their marriage. She told how after discussions or fights about intimacy, she would say to her husband, “I promise, I’ll do better,” but not know what ‘Better’ looked like. I suggested that when refused spouses are given that amorphous promise, they start thinking about what ‘Better’ would actually look like. So, in this episode I want to present a couple of thoughts on her further suggestions about planning and communicating with your wife after your discussion.

Continue reading

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Hard Things to Hear #6: Lady, It’s Not About You!

(This is the sixth of a seven-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, and part 7.)

In John 6:60, some objected to what Jesus was saying: “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?”. While I’m not Jesus, there are some who will attest that I provoke the same reaction. Might be what I’m saying, but it’s possible it might be my manner. Be that as it may, I’m going to pull rank and lay some things on the line in the next few posts. I’m going to present some things that might be hard to hear, but trust me; forty-three years of marriage is coming at ya!

Last week, I laid into clueless, selfish husbands who refused to learn how to be lovers to their wives. I have read so many anti-testimonies from wives whose husbands have been clueless gits and treated sex as if it was simply a guy thing. You don’t know how good it felt to say some of the things I said in my last post. Unfortunately, too many guys get their ideas about sex from other bell-ends like themselves, and so know nothing about their obligations in marriage. Continue reading

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Hard Things To Hear, #5: It’s Not About You, Dude!

(This is the fifth of a seven-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 6 and part 7.)

In John 6:60, some objected to what Jesus was saying: “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?”. While I’m not Jesus, there are some who will attest that I provoke the same reaction. Might be what I’m saying, but it’s possible it might be my manner. Be that as it may, I’m going to pull rank and lay some things on the line in the next few posts. I’m going to present some things that might be hard to hear, but trust me; forty-three years of marriage is coming at ya!

This week, we are going to get down and dirty; we are going to talk about where the rubber meets the, uh, uh …  (sorry ’bout that). Guys, just because you have a dick doesn’t mean you have to be one, got it? (Wife will ream me for that line.) Guys, now that the women have all fainted, let’s talk. There is a famous line that says that a woman needs romance for sex, whereas all a man needs is friction. So, guys, you need to realize that just because you can have sex with a greased knothole, that doesn’t mean your wife can get turned on at the drop of your drawers. Continue reading

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The Why and How of My Now, part 5

(This is the fifth of a five-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3 and part 4.)

The Original Question

From the first post in the series:

“So you don’t believe in the institution of Marriage, do you?”

“No, not the Institution of Marriage that the Church teaches. What changed my perspective? Believe it or not, the beginning of the improvement of my marriage was the trigger.”

This must seem to be a real conundrum. Four years ago, I was a miserable old coot, praying to die, but holding the idea that “God hates divorce.” Now, I am an extremely happy man, ecstatic in his marriage, who believes that the Church is making people miserable by its rigid worship of Marriage. That just seems so incongruous. Doesn’t it seem like it would be the other way around, that the miserable man would have the “low view” of marriage and not the other way round? Continue reading

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The Why and How of My Now, part 4

(This is the fourth of a five-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3 and part 5.)

So, New Year’s Eve, we had The Talk™, and as a result said talk, decided on our actions steps:

  •  me, prepare for the night and not the day.
  •  me, come to the bedroom with her while she goes to sleep.
  • us, schedule, ‘ahem’…. intimacy.

So, after The Talk™, we put everything into motion. Usually we have some TV time at dinner, with our daughters, until about 8:30-9:00. I moved my shower/shave portion of my day to after we finish our TV time. Continue reading

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The Why and How of My Now, part 3

(This is the third of a five-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 4 and part 5.)

So, there I was: old (61), retired, disabled, depressed. Who was I to think that I should still be able to enjoy intimacy with my wife, right? After all, that stuff is for the kids, randy little buggers that they are. I should have been telling myself, “CSL, you’re a Good Christian Husband™, and need to learn to suck it up and suffer for the Kingdom and Marriage, like GCHs™ have done down through the centuries.”

Yeah, well, I wasn’t dead yet, and I didn’t feel like being buried before my time. I told Wife that I felt we needed to talk, and so one night between Christmas and New Year’s, we went to our bedroom and talked. And talked. And talked. Continue reading

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The Why and How of My Now, part 2

(This is the second of a five-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 3, part 4, and part 5.)

So, there we were, in 2010. A Good Christian Couple (GCM™ and GCW™), not unhappy. But not happy, at all.

Me

Due to arthritis, sleeping downstairs, in a recliner. Because of her responses to harmless banter, I “knew” that she didn’t really like sex, and basically put up with it. So I stuffed down my wants to just once a month, so as not to “inflict myself upon her any further” (a line from Cat Ballou – I speak fluent Cinema.) December of 2010, I didn’t even bother, so we officially arrived at Sexless Marriage status – less than once a month. Continue reading

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The Why and How of My Now, part 1

(This is the first of a five-part series; here are the links to part 2, part 3, part 4 and part 5.)

A Kinda, Sorta Attempt at an Explanation.

“Curmudgeon, you don’t much believe in marriage, do you? After all, in your last three articles, you compare the Church’s teachings on Marriage to idolatry. In your series on Happy vs. Holy, you condemn the idea that God made marriage to help us be better Christians. In your last post, you say, with its teachings on marriage, that the Church “constructs a prison.” So you don’t believe in the institution of Marriage, do you?

The short answer is, “If I don’t believe in Marriage, I am one of the biggest hypocrites in the Church, as I’ve been married to the same wonderful Christian woman for 43 years, and the “till death do us part” is a given for us. It’s our mindset. Continue reading

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Why Marriage?

Having looked at the concept that God created marriage to make people holy and having rejected it, is there anyway to discover the purpose of marriage?

It seems to me that the best thing to do is to go to the source, to see what God said at the beginning, when He created marriage. The place to look, is of course, Genesis 2, where we read: Continue reading

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