Tag Archives: Sexuality

Of Resets, Resolutions and Reality, part 3

reset3

 

[This is the last of a three-part series; the first post can be found here, and the second post can be found here.]

First off, please accept my apology for the delay in following up with another post to complete this series on Resets. I have been working on developing, from the ground up, a class for my church on the Roots of Christianity. With no textbook, I have been busy creating lessons and resources, creating PowerPoints and .pdfs, loading movies up to YouTube, and creating a web platform on Moodle for my lesson resources. As you might imagine, that occupied all my summer and September. With most of the work behind, I find I can devote a little time to writing for my blogs, and so I especially wanted to finish with the final post in this Reset series. Continue reading

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Of Resets, Resolutions and Reality: part 1

Wellreset1

 

[This is the first of a three part series; the second part can be found here, while the third part can be found here.

Well, I thought I was done with aphorisms, but while reading old posts for a project that I am working on, I realized that one of the aphorisms that I mentioned needed another going-over. Rather than the Gamble Rogers’ line about works speaking for themselves, I am going to flesh out some thoughts I have on the Bob Jones line, I don’t care how high a man jumps when he gets saved; I’m more concerned with how straight he walks when he comes down.

Two years ago, I wrote a couple of posts about what “Better” looks like; you know what I mean–“I’m sorry, I’ll try to do better.” In the first post I talked about the need to get down to specifics when having The Talk™, to not speak in broad, amorphous generalities, and in the second post I wrote about ways to start defining “better”. Continue reading

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“Stop pressuring me!”

pressure

(Let me preface this post, and stress as strongly as I can, this one caveat. If the cause of sexual gatekeeping/refusal in your marriage is due to legitimate issues of the past, such as seriously bad teaching or the result of past abuse, then sexual reluctance is understandable. Understandable, yes, but not necessarily permanent. If it comes to light that there has been past physical or spiritual abuse, then it is incumbent upon both, and I stress, BOTH, spouses to be understanding of each other and to work on healing, so that the marriage can be put on right footing.)

I realize that I haven’t written a post for this blog in a while, and I guess I apologize for that,… er, sort of. Unlike many of the other marriage and sexuality bloggers (whom I truly enjoy and honor), I don’t see myself as a writer. Instead, I’m more like that old guy that you know of who gets himself in a state and then proceeds to grace the world with his wisdom, whether wanted or not.

One of my aids for writing is my idea folder on my laptop, which contains word processing files with snippets of ideas or quotes that I’ve culled over time that I thought, somewhere in the past, might be a good topic to think on and to write about. This is a post that is triggered by one of those older snippets. Continue reading

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Are You Married to a Sex Skeptic?

skiptic

Many years ago, I made the following observation: Sermonizing is the sin of the deadly earnest, no matter what theological colors you may be wearing. As I have aged, all that I’ve observed of the world around me convinces me that I was wonderfully prescient back then.

For example, if your theology is Global Warming, then you come at the debate with the fervor of an Al Gore, demanding that anyone who disagrees with you be locked up or sent to re-education camps. And if your theology is abortion, then “By Billy Bedamned Hangtree, keep your laws off my body! Sorry, Kiddo, it sucks to be you ‘cause Mama wants to shake her groove thang!” Continue reading

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What Is Better, Anyway? pt. 2

better

 

[This is the second of a two-part series; the first post can be found here.]

In my last post, I commented on how refused husbands could relate to and apply the wisdom and knowledge that Chris Taylor, of Forgiven Wife, poured into her blogpost, “I Promise, I’ll Do Better.”

The first part of her post dealt with questions she recommended that a recovering refuser think about asking her husband in order to be intentional in rebuilding their marriage. She told how after discussions or fights about intimacy, she would say to her husband, “I promise, I’ll do better,” but not know what ‘Better’ looked like. I suggested that when refused spouses are given that amorphous promise, they start thinking about what ‘Better’ would actually look like. So, in this episode I want to present a couple of thoughts on her further suggestions about planning and communicating with your wife after your discussion.

Continue reading

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Hard Things to Hear #6: Lady, It’s Not About You!

(This is the sixth of a seven-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, and part 7.)

In John 6:60, some objected to what Jesus was saying: “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?”. While I’m not Jesus, there are some who will attest that I provoke the same reaction. Might be what I’m saying, but it’s possible it might be my manner. Be that as it may, I’m going to pull rank and lay some things on the line in the next few posts. I’m going to present some things that might be hard to hear, but trust me; forty-three years of marriage is coming at ya!

Last week, I laid into clueless, selfish husbands who refused to learn how to be lovers to their wives. I have read so many anti-testimonies from wives whose husbands have been clueless gits and treated sex as if it was simply a guy thing. You don’t know how good it felt to say some of the things I said in my last post. Unfortunately, too many guys get their ideas about sex from other bell-ends like themselves, and so know nothing about their obligations in marriage. Continue reading

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Hard Things To Hear, #5: It’s Not About You, Dude!

(This is the fifth of a seven-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 6 and part 7.)

In John 6:60, some objected to what Jesus was saying: “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?”. While I’m not Jesus, there are some who will attest that I provoke the same reaction. Might be what I’m saying, but it’s possible it might be my manner. Be that as it may, I’m going to pull rank and lay some things on the line in the next few posts. I’m going to present some things that might be hard to hear, but trust me; forty-three years of marriage is coming at ya!

This week, we are going to get down and dirty; we are going to talk about where the rubber meets the, uh, uh …  (sorry ’bout that). Guys, just because you have a dick doesn’t mean you have to be one, got it? (Wife will ream me for that line.) Guys, now that the women have all fainted, let’s talk. There is a famous line that says that a woman needs romance for sex, whereas all a man needs is friction. So, guys, you need to realize that just because you can have sex with a greased knothole, that doesn’t mean your wife can get turned on at the drop of your drawers. Continue reading

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The Why and How of My Now, part 5

(This is the fifth of a five-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3 and part 4.)

The Original Question

From the first post in the series:

“So you don’t believe in the institution of Marriage, do you?”

“No, not the Institution of Marriage that the Church teaches. What changed my perspective? Believe it or not, the beginning of the improvement of my marriage was the trigger.”

This must seem to be a real conundrum. Four years ago, I was a miserable old coot, praying to die, but holding the idea that “God hates divorce.” Now, I am an extremely happy man, ecstatic in his marriage, who believes that the Church is making people miserable by its rigid worship of Marriage. That just seems so incongruous. Doesn’t it seem like it would be the other way around, that the miserable man would have the “low view” of marriage and not the other way round? Continue reading

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The Why and How of My Now, part 4

(This is the fourth of a five-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3 and part 5.)

So, New Year’s Eve, we had The Talk™, and as a result said talk, decided on our actions steps:

  •  me, prepare for the night and not the day.
  •  me, come to the bedroom with her while she goes to sleep.
  • us, schedule, ‘ahem’…. intimacy.

So, after The Talk™, we put everything into motion. Usually we have some TV time at dinner, with our daughters, until about 8:30-9:00. I moved my shower/shave portion of my day to after we finish our TV time. Continue reading

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The Why and How of My Now, part 3

(This is the third of a five-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 4 and part 5.)

So, there I was: old (61), retired, disabled, depressed. Who was I to think that I should still be able to enjoy intimacy with my wife, right? After all, that stuff is for the kids, randy little buggers that they are. I should have been telling myself, “CSL, you’re a Good Christian Husband™, and need to learn to suck it up and suffer for the Kingdom and Marriage, like GCHs™ have done down through the centuries.”

Yeah, well, I wasn’t dead yet, and I didn’t feel like being buried before my time. I told Wife that I felt we needed to talk, and so one night between Christmas and New Year’s, we went to our bedroom and talked. And talked. And talked. Continue reading

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