(Just a warning: lots of links. I mean, LOTS of links.)
I know that football is supposedly America’s favorite sport but I love to watch baseball. Baseball fans know that when a baserunner is tagged, he is out. But it hit me the other day that for many who find themselves in sexless marriages, it happens that when one spouse is TAG-ged, it is the other one who is out. As in, “out of luck.”
In my reading, whether it be other blogs or other forums, or even comments in response here on my blog, I see situations in which spouses are suffering in their marriage because of the attitudes, behaviors, and choices of their spouses. This goes both ways, with both husbands and wives being recipients of being TAG-ged.
TAG-ged?!? “CSL, have you been hitting the BBQ sauce again?” No. That just my acronym for a common marital affliction. In my readings, it seems that there are three common problems one spouse may bring into the marriage and it ends up wreaking havoc in the relationship. Continue reading
This is going to be short (well, by my lights, anyway), and certainly won’t answer any questions. But if it prompts someone to action, then well and good.
In response to my last post, one reader wrote a comment and included this at the end of his comment:
In my reading of many of the marriage blogs by wives, I’m starting to think, a lot of the lack of desire in wives for husbands, is a symptom of lack of respect, and appreciation for what the husband does and is.. All the comments about only wanting sex, to me as a man, is very disrespectful. As if my desire for my wife, is perverse or sinful.
And as seems to be the custom of my commenters (my readers are perscipacious, if I do say so myself), he put his finger squarely on something that I’ve been thinking about for a couple of weeks. Oddly enough, I’ve even run some thoughts by Wife. The fact is that while Christian marriage bloggers and writers (I include myself) deal very earnestly with trying to help husbands and wives to improve their relationships and their marriages, there are two specific target audiences that seem to have little to no support at all. These two audiences I refer to as the Black Holes of Advice. Continue reading
When I set about creating the CSL blog, I had help from a couple of experienced bloggers, who were giving me all kinds of advice about the ins and outs of using the WordPress hosting platform. These two ladies deserve much credit (or blame, depending on how you view this blog) for creating this space.
One of the bits of advice that they recommended was creating a Twitter account, as it would be a useful tool in communicating with readers and the world at large. Prior to this, I saw Twitter users as evidence of mankind’s devolution, but I have found it to be useful, and have even started to use it to keep up with the #christianmarriage blogging community.
Recently, a ‘tweet’ came across my feed from a Christian website entitled Affair Care that helps Christians who are dealing with the aftermath of infidelity in their marriages. As I read the linked article, it hit me that the information that they were presenting completely applies to those who are dealing with Refusal/Gatekeeping in their marriages. I realized that….. Continue reading
(In this post, I use some abbreviations that I have created. They are listed in the sidebar, to the right.)
A comment that Sheila Wray Gregoire made in her post Why Is Marriage Advice So Contradictory? brought an old-fashioned word to my mind, a word little-used today: Parlor. In the first part of the article, Gregoire writes about wives who are afraid to confront their husbands over bad behavior, and at one point she said,
“They’re afraid of doing the right thing because the marriage may suffer.”
She is correct in what she says, and the reason that I was re-reading her post was because I was planning to use it as a springboard for husbands, for them to read and to follow the advice she gave. Goose and Gander, after all. As I was reading her post and read that line for a second or third time, the image of an old-fashioned front parlor came to my mind. Continue reading
Earlier this month, Sheila Wray Gregoire wrote an excellent article directed toward wives whose husbands are gatekeepers/refusers. Guess what? The eight steps that Gregoire gives to these refused wives who write to her is basically the same thing I’ve been writing for you refused husbands. So today, without further ado, I am giving my readers an assignment: go and read Gregoire’s Do I Have To Live With A Sexless Marriage? (it’ll open in a separate window), and then come back here.
Okay, now it’s getting suspicious. In my last Great Minds post, I was kinda freaked out by the fact that Paul Byerly, of The Generous Husband, had posted an article with the same idea as a post that I had scheduled to be posted.
Imagine my surprise when, this morning, I’m going down my Twitter feed and I find that Paul has published an excellent follow-up post recommending that husbands read and heed Sheila Wray Gregoire’s article to refused wives on sexless marriage.
Excellent, yes, but. . . two days before I post “Refused? Read This Woman’s Advice!” Once is coincidence, but twice? Hmmm…. 🙂
What it comes down to is this: if you need something from your husband, or if you want something from your husband, speak up!
Your humble Curmudgeon, last week.
How to Ask for What You Want–Just Say It!
Sheila Wray Gregoire, 2/27/2015.