Tag Archives: Communication

What Is Better, Anyway? pt. 2

better

In my last post, I commented on how refused husbands could relate to and apply the wisdom and knowledge that Chris Taylor, of Forgiven Wife, poured into her blogpost, “I Promise, I’ll Do Better.”

The first part of her post dealt with questions she recommended that a recovering refuser think about asking her husband in order to be intentional in rebuilding their marriage. She told how after discussions or fights about intimacy, she would say to her husband, “I promise, I’ll do better,” but not know what ‘Better’ looked like. I suggested that when refused spouses are given that amorphous promise, they start thinking about what ‘Better’ would actually look like. So, in this episode I want to present a couple of thoughts on her further suggestions about planning and communicating with your wife after your discussion.

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“A Wife’s Heart”: Colloquy #7

colloquy

This is the seventh in a series of posts in which Chris Taylor (of Forgiven Wife) and I dialogue about ideas and issues brought up in her post, A Wife’s Heart. (Here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, and part 8.) Chris and I have chosen colors to help with reading clarity in trying to incorporate our comments into her original text; my comments are in blue and Chris’s in purple.

In her original post, A Wife’s Heart, Chris shared eight recommendations for helping a wife in the process of healing her heart. In our last colloquy, we discussed Chris’s seventh suggestion; this post, Chris and I will discuss her eighth and last suggestion from her original post.


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“A Wife’s Heart”: Colloquy #6

colloquy

This is the sixth in a series of posts in which Chris Taylor (of Forgiven Wife) and I dialogue about ideas and issues brought up in her post, A Wife’s Heart. (Here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 7 and part 8.) Chris and I have chosen colors to help with reading clarity in trying to incorporate our comments into her original text; my comments are in blue and Chris’s in purple.

In her original post, A Wife’s Heart, Chris shared eight recommendations for helping a wife in the process of healing her heart. In our last colloquy, we discussed the fifth and sixth of Chris’s suggestions; it had been our intention to include discussion of the last two, as well, but we realized we had too much to say about them.
So here is our discussion of suggestion #7: Continue reading

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“A Wife’s Heart: Colloquy”: #5

colloquy

This is the fifth in a series of posts in which Chris Taylor (of Forgiven Wife) and I dialogue about ideas and issues brought up in her post, A Wife’s Heart. (Here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 6, part 7 and part 8.) Chris and I have chosen colors to help with reading clarity in trying to incorporate our comments into her original text; my comments are in blue and Chris’s in purple.

In her original post, A Wife’s Heart, Chris shared eight recommendations for helping a wife in the process of healing her heart. In our last colloquy, we discussed the first four of her suggestions, and it was our intention to discuss the second set of four suggestions. However, as we got into them, we realized we has too much to say for one post, and so we’re dividing our discussions into smaller, more ‘bite-sized’ posts. (Chris’s recommendations are  highlighted with bold text.) Continue reading

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“A Wife’s Heart”: Colloquy #4

colloquy

This is the fourth in a series of posts in which Chris Taylor (of Forgiven Wife) and I dialogue about ideas and issues brought up in her post, A Wife’s Heart. (Here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3 part 5, part 6, part 7 and part 8.) Chris and I have chosen colors to help with reading clarity in trying to incorporate our comments into her original text; my comments are in blue and Chris’s in purple.

In this, the fourth chapter of our discussion, Chris and I start discussing her recommendations for helping a wife in the process of healing her heart. In her article, Chris presented eight “action steps” for husbands who want to work on their marriages. In today’s colloquy, we discuss the first four. (Chris had them highlighted with bold text.) Continue reading

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A Wife’s Heart: Colloquy #3

colloquy

This is the third post in a series in which Chris Taylor, of Forgiven Wife, and I dialogue about ideas and issues brought up in her post, A Wife’s Heart(Here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7 and part 8.) Chris and I have chosen colors to help with reading clarity in trying to incorporate our comments into her original text; my comments are in blue and Chris’s in purple.

At the end of our last discussion, I said something that gave Chris this vibe. We shall see. Mwahahahaha!


Healing a Hurting Heart

I didn’t know how to open up sexually when I felt like my husband didn’t love me. My heart needed to be healed before I could even hear what he was expressing about his desire for the intimacy that came only through sex.

As I’ve read CSL’s series, I’ve thought how reasonable it all sounds: the talk, the shot across the bow, the end of normal life, withdrawing romance, withdrawing affection, sleeping in separate bedrooms, removing the wedding ring, etc.

Those are all logical suggestions. When the problem is that your wife needs to change her thinking or is generally just too overwhelmed by life, they may work very well.

Here’s the thing: a hurting heart will not be healed by logic.

Not a single one of these suggestions would have touched my heartache. In fact, some of them might well have compounded the hurt I was already feeling.

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“A Wife’s Heart” Colloquy #2

colloquy

This is the second of a series of posts in which Chris Taylor (of Forgiven Wife) and I dialogue about ideas and issues brought up in her post, A Wife’s Heart. (Here are the links to part 1, part 3, part 4,, part 5, part 6, part 7 and part 8). Chris and I have chosen colors to help with reading clarity in trying to incorporate our comments into her original text; my comments are in blue and Chris’s in purple. This second post should be short, as there was only one paragraph in this section that triggered a response in me. Here is that paragraph:

If your wife is resisting sexual intimacy because she is hurt, she is wrong as well. (If you’re a real jerk and are sinning against her, then that statement does not apply. It also doesn’t apply if your wife is carrying trauma such as childhood sexual assault.)

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“A Wife’s Heart” Colloquy #1

colloquy

This is the first of a series of posts in which Chris Taylor (of Forgiven Wife) and I dialogue about ideas and issues brought up in her post, A Wife’s Heart. (Here are the links to part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7 and part 8.) Chris and i have chosen colors to help with reading clarity in trying to incorporate our comments into her original text; my comments are in blue and Chris’s in purple. In this section, Chris presented the basic (classic?) difference in how she and her husband communicate:

The Heart of My Refusal

My heart issues began with some baggage I brought into my marriage. The heart of my refusal, however, lay in relational hurt.

I am married to a good man—one whose love for me and commitment to our marriage has modeled Christ for me in a way nothing else has. The poor guy just didn’t know what to do with a wife who lived everything through her emotions—and he made a lot of mistakes.

My biggest hurt was the lack of emotional connection in our marriage. (I’ve written about it here.) The only feeling he ever communicated to me was, “I’m horny.” When I tried to share my own emotions with him, his usual response was either “Get to the point,” or “I don’t need to know that. Just tell me what I asked.”

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Hard Things To Hear, #2: It’s a Clear Thing

(This is the second of a seven-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6 and part 7.)

In John 6:60, some objected to what Jesus was saying: “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?”. While I’m not Jesus, there are some who will attest that I provoke the same reaction. Might be what I’m saying, but it’s possible it might be my manner. Be that as it may, I’m going to pull rank and lay some things on the line in the next few posts. I’m going to present some things that might be hard to hear, but trust me; forty-three years of marriage is coming at ya!

Wives, this one’s to you; how many of you have the last name “Kreskin”? No one? Okay, then why would you think that you married The Great Kreskin? Prof. Henry Higgins, in My Fair Lady, had it right about men: “By and large, we are a marvelous sex!” That’s why you married us; we are that good! But we aren’t psychic!! We don’t come equipped with one of these:

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