Tag Archives: Intimacy in Marriage

Sex And Resentment

 

resent

As we all know, there are three types of people: optimists, pessimists and curmudgeons. Optimists see the glass as half full while pessimists see the glass as half empty; curmudgeons want to know who drank half their milk, and are pretty sure that whoever it was, they spit in the half that was left.

Give a curmudgeon a scenario, and he can tell you six ways to Sunday how things can go wrong. Which brings me to a category of statement that I’ve been coming across recently. Continue reading

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“I’m TAG-ged, But You’re Out!”

tagged

(Just a warning: lots of links. I mean, LOTS of links.)

I know that football is supposedly America’s favorite sport but I love to watch baseball. Baseball fans know that when a baserunner is tagged, he is out. But it hit me the other day that for many who find themselves in sexless marriages, it happens that when one spouse is TAG-ged, it is the other one who is out. As in, “out of luck.”

In my reading, whether it be other blogs or other forums, or even comments in response here on my blog, I see situations in which spouses are suffering in their marriage because of the attitudes, behaviors, and choices of their spouses. This goes both ways, with both husbands and wives being recipients of being TAG-ged.

TAG-ged?!? “CSL, have you been hitting the BBQ sauce again?” No. That just my acronym for a common marital affliction. In my readings, it seems that there are three common problems one spouse may bring into the marriage and it ends up wreaking havoc in the relationship. Continue reading

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Addressing The Sexless Marriage, part 4

frustration

(This is the fourth of a six-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 3, part 5, and part 6.)

(For the purpose of pronoun simplicity, I am writing the posts in this series to refused husbands. Wives, if you are the one who desires more sexual intimacy, please keep reading, because I believe that pretty much everything I am going to say will apply to your situation, as well.)

In my two previous posts, I presented two versions of The Talk™, both written by a poster on The Marriage Bed forum. I spoke of the necessity of knowing ahead of time just what your boundaries are, just what you feel is acceptable or unacceptable in your marriage. In preparing his Shot Across The Bow, Job29Man decided that  sexlessness would not make-or-break issue for him; he promised his wife that he would be in the marriage whether it was sexless or not. But he did tell her that her actions of neglect were damaging to the heart of their marriage. For his wife, Job’s version of The Talk™ was enough to break through to her heart, and bring about a change in the direction their marriage was heading.

For others, it might not have been enough. In the situation of another man that I know of, the wife’s preference for celibacy trumped any need to improve her relationship with her husband, and she opted for divorce. He did not have to initiate divorce proceedings over his sexless marriage; his statement that celibacy was no longer an option for their marriage was enough for her to initiate separation and divorce on her own.  Continue reading

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Christian Go-To Marital Tools, part 2.2

talk

(This is the third of a five-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 2, part 4 and part 5.)

As my previous post presenting the second Christian Go-To Marital Tool went a little long, I decided to present the antidote to the Milquetoast in a second post. Yes, I believe that the Milquetoast needs an antidote, and so I present the Patrick Henry. *

In my last post, I wrote about how the Servant Leadership teaching, as a reaction to patriarchy (real or perceived), turns the whole of marriage upside down by making the husband the servant, instead of the wife. And now because of the tweaking of biblical interpretation, things are as they should be. Naturally, Servant Leadership is a very popular teaching. After all, as George Bernard Shaw once said, “Any government that robs Peter to pay Paul can count on the support of Paul.” The same goes for Christian teaching, I guess. Continue reading

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Christian Go-To Marital Tools, part 1

mrlucky

(This is the first of a five-part series; here are the links to part 2, part 3, part 4 and part 5.)

I’m going to step out of my Mr. Nice Guy persona and go on a little rant. And, I’m also going to go…. There!

Michele Weiner-Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage, says that 1 in 3 marriages have a problem concerning significant libido differences. That’s a clinician’s way of saying that one person in a marriage is wantin’ and ain’t gettin’. And I’ve come to the conclusion that Christians have the worst set of skills for confronting a sexless marriage.* Continue reading

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The Why and How of My Now, part 2

(This is the second of a five-part series; here are the links to part 1, part 3, part 4, and part 5.)

So, there we were, in 2010. A Good Christian Couple (GCM™ and GCW™), not unhappy. But not happy, at all.

Me

Due to arthritis, sleeping downstairs, in a recliner. Because of her responses to harmless banter, I “knew” that she didn’t really like sex, and basically put up with it. So I stuffed down my wants to just once a month, so as not to “inflict myself upon her any further” (a line from Cat Ballou – I speak fluent Cinema.) December of 2010, I didn’t even bother, so we officially arrived at Sexless Marriage status – less than once a month. Continue reading

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