Now We Are Three


A glance at the calendar shows me that not only did I turn 68 last month, but that today is the third anniversary of the debut of The Curmudgeonly Librarian. In spite of the good advice from those with good taste, I went ahead and started writing, and the jury is still out on the wisdom of the whole mishmash.

In past anniversary posts, I have laid the blame for this blog squarely on the shoulders of those who helped me get this blog set up on Word Press, so there is no need to further sully the reputation of those two excellent bloggers, so Chris and Bonny, you can breathe a sigh of relief on that score.

I believe it is the custom of bloggers, when writing one of these self-celebratory anniversary posts, to look back on the year and discuss the highs and lows. Also to maybe think about the coming year, but who’s rushing things?

Any Favorite Posts?

Bloggers are often asked if they have a favorite post, and I would have to say that I do have a favorite series. As you readers know, I can’t write a digest of my thoughts fer nothin’. I always end up writing two, three or four posts on one topic, just to be sure I won’t die with words left unspoken.

Looking back at the year’s postings, it’s easy to choose my personal favorite. I love Mark Twain, and among my personal favorites are his Diaries of Adam and Eve. This past year, I downloaded a free copy for my Kindle, and as I was reading it again for the first time in a decade or two, I was struck by Twain’s insight into men and women, and the problems that we can have through miscommunication and decided to share Twain’s wit AND wisdom. So I would have to say that my four-part Mark Twain On Relationships** series was my favorite of the year. It was certainly the most fun I had writing.

Most Important Post(s)?

Without question, I feel that my January/February series, Bad Teaching: Women Rule, Men Drool**, was the most important writing I did this year. This was confirmed to me when I saw that Paul Byerly, of Generous Husband, wrote in a comment to one of my posts, “Something is very wrong, and we can’t fix it if we refuse to look at it. Thanks for cracking it open for us.

Years ago, I heard a preacher say that if the Church believed something, that there was a good chance that they got it wrong. I argued with him then, and he did admit that it was a rather hyperbolic statement. But as the decades have gone by, hang me if I don’t understand where he was coming from! Over the past three years, I’ve felt compelled to write a number of posts on the many bad teachings that the Church propagates concerning marriage and relationships.

My reading and research this past year went in a direction that I didn’t foresee, and in my Rule/Drool series, I ended up writing about the institutional misandry that I believe is part and parcel of today’s Churchianity. Drawing on examples I had come across that showed the Church’s bias in polity and practice against men, I shared how writers and pollsters were telling us that Christianity is the only major religion in the world that has more female adherents than male. As one writer put it, the Church is perfectly designed to get the results that it is getting, pushing men away.

Paul B. is right: something is very wrong, and if the church doesn’t address its flawed view of men and masculinity, the problem is only going to get worse.

Two New Things

In looking at my postings this year, it is easy to spot that there are two new directions in my postings, one of which is probably only temporary.

First, starting in June, I wrote posts about the need for men to be men, real men, for their wives and families. Be A Man and Be The Voice were exhortations, which usually isn’t my style. And also not my style is the examination of Indifferent Muddles** and Ugly** marriages. While I may look to write more exhorational posts for men, I don’t see myself continuing to dig into marital toxicity.

The second direction occurred outside my blogging, but did find its expression in another blog. My main blog is this one, The Curmudgeonly Librarian. To keep CSL focused on Christian marriage, I started a second blog as a place for my writing on religious topics, CSL On The Bible. About the same time, I came across a book that has me doing more reading, studying and re-examining of myself and my beliefs than anything else has ever done.

Sitting At the Feet of Rabbi Jesus has led me to other authors and teachers who are digging deep into the context and background of Jesus as a first-century rabbi. Remember that quote I mentioned above, that if the Church believed something, it most likely got it wrong? Well, I’m pretty much convinced that not only is today’s church guilty of misandry, it is blind to the anti-Semitism that separated the Church from its Hebraic roots. To borrow a phrase from one of my On The Bible posts, we seem to think that God uprooted His olive tree in order to plant a Christmas tree.

This year has seen me writing about new topics, but I only see one of the two as something that I will be examining in greater depth. The implications of realizing that Jesus was an observant Jewish rabbi who taught in the tradition of rabbis and sages are going to be game changers, and I am looking forward to further study and sharing of what I learn.

Stay tuned, folks, another year beckons….


** All the links with asterisks are to the first post in a series. Links without asterisks were one-off posts.

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Addressing the “Man-O-Sphere”

readers respond

In my last post, I made a passing reference to a portion of the Internet called the “Man-O-Sphere” (herein shortened to MoS). I believe my exact statement was, “… idiotic Man-O-Sphere.” One of my readers asked me for more on my antipathy toward the MoS, so this is something I’ve dashed off. I freely admit this is not an attempt at a point-by-point refutation of MoS; I also admit that it is also heavily weighted by my emotional response to what I’ve seen and read by MoS writers, and not a dispassionate rebuttal. Suffice to say that I believe the MoS to be an equal and opposite evil to feminism.

The Man-o-sphere…

First of all, it is composed of an extremely broad collection of types, many of which, to my mind, hold to the very antithesis of God’s creation and design for men and women. Because I try to maintain at least a veneer of Christian temperament, I won’t begin to give vent to my spleen concerning that Man-o-sphere sewer dweller, the execrable pick-up artist (PUA). This particular piece of scum sees women as merely potential notches on his bedpost. There is even a subculture in MoS, the seduction community, built around the idea that women are merely sexual prey to be metaphorically mounted (sorry for that unintentional pun) like heads upon a wall. 

Then there are the straight-up knuckle-draggers of the MoS, the out-and-out misogynists labelling themselves as “men going their own way” (MGTOW). There’s not a whole lot to be said for these jerks, as their words are enough to condemn them. Here’s a quote from one of them “What nobody wants to see when couples are spewing their fraudulent wedding vows lies at each other.” Nuff said. (I feel like I need a shower whenever I encounter a MGTOW site.)

I know of the MMSL phenomenon, and the “red pill” language, speaking “game” and “frame” and “hamsters”. I can understand its popularity, but it relies on deception and manipulation. About three years ago, on a christian marriage forum that I read, a wife came on and started sharing about her marriage and its difficulties. Through investigation and discussion on the christian forum, she discovered that her husband was spending hundreds of dollars getting ‘counseling’ from someone online. And on the MMSL site itself, there was a thread that suddenly was closed by the original poster when the guy posted a goodbye message, saying that he’d been found out by his wife; it turned out that he was the guy that the wife was writing about on the christian forum. If it is so honorable, then why did he have to keep it hidden? 

I get the frustration and anger at what feminism has done to our society, and to our churches and marriages. But that is no excuse for husbands to abandon being a Christian man. I’m willing to stack up my blog entries against anyone else’s in trying to defend husbands; my “Bad Teaching” series alone demonstrates that I have no truck with the castrati of today’s feminized Church. But that doesn’t mean I have to react in kind and renounce God’s truth.

Mankind and womankind are all fallen. In a recent post, I wrote that every marriage is blessed with two sinners loved by God. To me, the fact that God loves wives does not negate the fact that God loves husbands, and vice versa. That means that if I choose to embrace hateful debate and engage in sexual subtrefuge against those loved by God, I depart from God. Yes, be angry about injustices and sins against men AND women, but do so without treasuring injustice and sin in your heart.

In my initial response to the reader who asked for me to give my reasoning on why I dislike the MoS so much, I promised to write an entry giving a fuller analysis; this post isn’t that, being a mere rant. But I am going to work on that this month, so, yes, unfortunately I am going to have to write further about the Man-O-Sphere. And for any of my readers who have dealings with the MoS, I want to share why I believe seeking help there is damaging.


Disclaimer: I am not a counselor, doctor, or pastor. For that matter, Wife says I don’t play well with others. My advice and comments come from my concern for hurting Christian husbands and wives. Someone once said to me, “Church shouldn’t hurt”, and I believe the same thing goes for marriage. I’m going to call ‘em as I see ‘em, but please, don’t take my word as gospel. Yes, read what I say, pray about what I say, but do your own “due diligence.”


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A Plea For Two-Handed Thinking



This year, I have been engaged in a fascinating exploration of different writers and teachers who say that Christians need to understand the first-century context of Jesus and the Gospels. To get a handle on what the gospels contain, we have to give up our Western mindset and think how Christ’s words sounded to His fellow first-century Jews; after all, He wasn’t speaking to 20th- and 21st-century Lutherans, Baptists and Methodists. To do so, one of the teachers said, “you have to think Hebraically.” He went on to say that “thinking Hebraically requires two hands: ‘on the one hand,… and on the other hand….’” Continue reading


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“… and the Ugly.”: part 3

ugly 3
(Note: in this post, I am addressing husbands who find themselves in Hades-marriages. However, Paul B.’s suggestions and my comments and suggestions apply to any wife who finds herself in the same situation.)
This is the third in a three-part series; here are the links to part 1 and part 2.

With my last two posts, I have been addressing a dirty secret about marriage that we Christians don’t like to talk about, that of truly Ugly! marriages, which rather than “made in Heaven” seem to have been spawned in Hades. These marriages are an embarrassment to us because they mar the image that the church wants to promote, that of marriage as a union “blessed by God”. Continue reading


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“… and the Ugly”: part 2

(Note: in this post, I write as addressing husbands who find themselves in Hades-marriages. However, Paul Byerly’s suggestions and my comments and suggestions apply to any wife who finds herself in the same situation.)
This is the second of a three-part series; here are the links to part 1 and part 3.

In my first post about truly Ugly marriages, those spawned in Hades, I wrote about how Paul Byerly, of Generous Husband, had recently experienced an unsettling nightmare, in which he dreamt of being trapped in a Hades-marriage. His next post told of his thoughts on how he would attempt to deal with the situation if he were in one. Continue reading


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“… and the Ugly”: part 1


This is the first of a three-part series; here are the links to part 2 and part 3.

In my first Indifferent Muddle post, I referenced Emerson Eggerichs’ Love & Respect, a book I recommend highly. I mentioned how he and the Byerlys, of Generous Husband and Generous Wife, speak of good-willed spouses, husbands and wives who do have goodwill in their hearts toward each other. It was in that first post that I discussed that not all marriages have spouses who are still good-willed, hence the Indifferent Muddle. Continue reading


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“Salvation Is Of The Jews” [link]

I have put up a new post on my other blog. If interested, you can read it on CSL On The Bible.

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Smack Dab In The Muddle, pt. 2


In my last post, I wrote about the state that many marriages find themselves in, that of the Indifferent Muddle. In this condition, husband and wife plod through their married life with a growing indifference in how they live in their marriages, since the marriage is carried on by rote. Oh, if asked, each will say, “I love my husband/wife!”, but maybe, if pressed about desire and attraction for their spouse, they will agree with the old Amish saying, “Cooking lasts.” Passion, however? E-e-eh, not so much. Continue reading

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Smack Dab In The Muddle, pt. 1


Many of the authors and bloggers I read make it a point to emphasize generosity and good-will. Two of my favorite bloggers are Paul and Lori Byerly, authors the Generous Husband and Generous Wife blogs (I read them every morning, without fail.) Another example would be Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love & Respect, who peppers his writings with statements on how most spouses are not evil jerks and witches, but truly do have good-will for their mates (a statement with which I agree, by the way). Continue reading


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“Sow Where You’re Planted” [link]

There is a new post on my other blog, CSL On The Bible, if you should be so inclined…

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July 27, 2017 · 11:49 pm