Another Year Gone?


In checking the calendar, I’m surprised to see that today is the second anniversary of my first post of this blog. It gives me an opportunity to reflect on what, if anything, I’ve done in my second year.

In coming into 2016, I did make a decision about the content of the blog. When I was flush with the excitement of sitting down to a laptop and flinging thoughts out at the world, …, well, I admit it. I let myself run all over the lot. I started posting about one of my favorite things in life, old movies. I posted about favorite films, favorite actors, and even favorite character actors, the ones you see and say, “Oh, yeah, I remember him/her!” Continue reading


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“If You Loved Me/Accept Me”

(In this post, I use abbreviations for common terms; see sidebar.)


In Bad Teaching: “As Christ Loved The Church”, I wrote about how the Church has screwed up Paul’s teaching on LYWLCLTC™, and I think I demonstrated that what passes for marital advice today based Eph. 5:25-31 is just so much codswallop.

Yes, husbands are enjoined to love their wives “as Christ loved the Church,” but this biblical statement has been heated in the fervid minds of teachers and shaped into a cudgel with which to browbeat husbands into a meek submission to wife and children in the name of Christ. Husbands are enjoined to be more Christian than Christ ever was.

And recently, I have come across a couple of statements by husbands who tell of this same teaching appearing in yet another guise in their lives. Continue reading


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And,… I’m Back!

Back in May, I wrote that I was taking time off from my blog in order to work on a book project for my 88-year-old mother. For several years now, when Mom and I have been talking on the phone, I’ve also had a laptop fired up, and I started to write down all the different stories that she would tell, as we reminisced about my late Dad, and the places we lived.

Finally, with a plethora of recollections, I began the task of arranging and writing Mom’s stories into a story of our family. It took a lot of work and writing and editing, but I fashioned the stories into chapters that became a timeline of  our family’s history. Going through old photos and slides, and using today’s technology, I was able to create files of text and pix that I hoped would make my Mom both proud and happy.

My son, who works for a printing company in Tennessee, took the files and worked on them, doing the layout work of getting them ready for final printing, set the final product in the company’s queue. Yesterday, the labor of love of three generations, Grandmother, Son and Grandson, arrived on my doorstep.


Mom and Dad met in September of 1947; Dad died in May of 2007. Recollections of a Storyteller is my attempt to pay tribute to a love that lasted nearly 60 years.

~ ~ ~

I figure I have about a week of mailing books to family and friends; with that, my project will be finished, and I can return to my blog. For good or ill….🙂


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A Parable For Divorce?


It should come as no surprise that I follow several marriage bloggers on Twitter and via email notification. After all, I am a marriage blogger, and it’s always good to hear what others are saying. (And there is always a good chance that something I read will trigger an idea or two for me to write about, so it’s a win-win for me.)

In doing this, though, I find that I am something of the oddball when it comes to one topic, not necessarily in agreement with the accepted wisdom that these bloggers share. Now, because these writers are all great writers, speakers and teachers and I esteem their wisdom highly, I can’t fault them for hewing to the accepted party line on the importance of marriage and the evils of divorce. After all, it’s Christian orthodoxy, and even atheist Michelle Weiner-Davis, of Divorce Busting, is on board.

And yet, like so many of the teachings I have been given down through the years, I am finding that an absolutist stance is untenable. While many want to see marriage as an untouchable icon, I believe that scripture doesn’t back up our attempts to deify it. Continue reading


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Curing vs. Healing, part 2


In my post Curing vs. Healing, I discussed a fourth possible source for marital disconnect (separate from TAG), that of your own unintentional actions causing hurt and damage in the relationship. I made the recommendation that you read Chris Taylor’s (of Forgiven Wife) guest post, A Wife’s Heart, and our following discussion in order to learn how unintentional actions can cause rifts in a marriage.

That said, I want to offer a couple of caveats. Yes, if you discover that you are a source for the disconnect in your relationship, do make an effort to heal the rift. However, do not take on a burden that is not yours; own your actions, not her excuses. Continue reading


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Curing vs. Healing


As a niche blogger addressing sexless marriages, most of my writing has been about bad situations that husbands (and denied wives) find themselves in. And as someone who suffers from that very male affliction, I-Can-Fix-This-itis, many of my posts not only address the problems, but give advice and solutions on how to work to address and change these situations. I’m the type of person that believes it doesn’t matter how much you want to talk about The Nail, removing the nail will solve the problem of headaches.

I do, however, understand that fixing is not the same as restoring, that curing is not the same thing as healing. They just aren’t the same. Continue reading

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Traditional Vows, part 2

trad vow2

In my last post, I addressed myself to husbands on the promise made in the traditional wedding vow. This week, I am going to examine the vow that brides made to their husbands, but this vow actually predates the Book of Common Prayer, which was the source of the husband’s promise to worship with his body.

But before I do, I’d like to expand on why I think this topic and these ideas matter. Last year, I wrote a series of posts on the Apostles’ Creed, explaining that the Creed is more than just something to recite, but is the basic confession of belief of Christians in all times and places, and that it is important for Christians to know what they believe.

And I found out that I was, in my own small pond, re-inventing the wheel. Just a couple of months ago, I came across a book by the late Charles Colson entitled The Faith, and I find that this book is a warning about an ignorant Church, not knowing what it believes or why. The kicker for me was that it was published in 2008, seven years before I started writing about the Creed. This sentence, from the first chapter, sums up the dilemma of trying to live as a Christian today:

How can a Christianity that is not understood be practiced?

And, I believe, the same goes for marriage… Continue reading

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Traditional Vows, part 1

trad vows1


When I was a younger Christian, I enjoyed modern worship, as it was very emotive. However, in the past 15-20 years, as I’ve gotten older, I find that I appreciate more and more the stability and meaning of older forms of worship and prayer. For me, there is a connectedness in the creeds that we say; after all, I am making the same confessions of faith as Luther, Wesley, Zinzendorf, Spener, Wycliffe and Hus. I sing the same faith that Watts, Newton, and Charles Wesley sang in their hymns. I find that standing in tradition helps to keep me grounded in my faith.

Which brings me to another tradition, the wedding vow. I know that it is all the rage to have couples write their own vows, but the more I have thought about it, I wonder if this trend is somehow connected with the degradation of marriage as a whole in today’s society. Think about it; marriage has lost its place as an institution, and even lost its definition. After all, the world tells us that all of the following are just modern permutations of marriage:

Serial marriage
Open marriage
Polygamous marriage
Same-sex marriage

I think we can agree that all these, and more, aren’t ‘redefining marriage’ so much as pummeling the very concept of marriage, reshaping into an unrecognizable mass of mess on the anvil of today’s perverted values. And I’m wondering if Christians aren’t somehow complicit in this degrading of marriage. Doesn’t our redefining the promises of marriage, rewriting the contract so to speak, indicate a desire to create marriage in our own image, rather than God’s? Continue reading


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Almost Finished!

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” Rom. 12:15

Rejoice with me! Three month ago, I announced that I was taking a break from blogging in order to concentrate on a family project, the compiling of memories, stories, photos and recollections of my 88-year-old mother.

While the project is not completed, my task is pretty much done. Just this evening, I received, via email, a .pdf proof copy of the book from my son. My son works for a printer/publisher in Tennessee, and he undertook laying out my text and photos for the book. Scrolling through the .pdf my son sent, I was exhilarated to see what I’ve been working on for several years starting to take final form. I’m telling you, my week is made, and it’s only Monday!

After a final read-through and proof, we are going to be able to go to press this month, and Recollections Of A Storyteller will be in the hands of my mom and my brothers and sister.



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“I’m TAG-ged, But You’re Out!”


(Just a warning: lots of links. I mean, LOTS of links.)

I know that football is supposedly America’s favorite sport but I love to watch baseball. Baseball fans know that when a baserunner is tagged, he is out. But it hit me the other day that for many who find themselves in sexless marriages, it happens that when one spouse is TAG-ged, it is the other one who is out. As in, “out of luck.”

In my reading, whether it be other blogs or other forums, or even comments in response here on my blog, I see situations in which spouses are suffering in their marriage because of the attitudes, behaviors, and choices of their spouses. This goes both ways, with both husbands and wives being recipients of being TAG-ged.

TAG-ged?!? “CSL, have you been hitting the BBQ sauce again?” No. That just my acronym for a common marital affliction. In my readings, it seems that there are three common problems one spouse may bring into the marriage and it ends up wreaking havoc in the relationship. Continue reading

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