New .pdf, “Red Sky At Morning…”, Available

I have created a new .pdf for my readers, which can be found on my Free Downloadables page. In this new .pdf, I have gathered several of my posts dealing with warning signs for those who are worried about lack of intimacy in their marriage. A smaller .pdf, but I hope it will be helpful. The link to my Free Downloads page is above in the header, and to the right in the side bar.


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New .pdf, “Be A Mensch”, Available



This post is to let my readers know that I created a new .pdf for downloading, but I should inform you that this one is not for all, but for Christian husbands only. Past .pdfs have dealt with bad and good teachings about marriage, and with dealing with sexless marriages, and the information in all of them was, I believe, applicable to both men and women. This new .pdf, however, aggregates several of my posts that deal not so much with marriage, but with what it means to be a Christian husband.

These posts were the upshot of a request that I received from a woman blogger who asked that I write to my audience (mostly men) on what it meant to be a husband and lover to a wife. I did that, but I expanded/expounded on more than that.

Whether I have done a good job in doing this is not in my power to judge, but be that as it may, “Be A Mensch”  is now available on the Free Downloads page. The link is in the page header and in the sidebar to the right. As always, I hope that having these articles collected in one  place is an aid to hurting brothers and sisters in Christ.


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New “Waiting and Working” .pdf for downloading

Okay, CSL, I have read your articles about the Bad Teaching that we have heard about marriage, and I have read what you had to say about good teaching, and I even agree with you. I’ve even spoken to my wife about how I think that we don’t have a good or happy marriage at this time? So now what? What am I supposed to do?

Again, I’m not a marriage counselor, but since when has that stopped me before? You are either thinking about doing your version of The Shot Across the Bow, or you are waiting for some kind of response to it, and don’t know where to go from here. In the past, I have written about what I call The Interim, which is that period that you are now it. I have just uploaded a new .pdf for helping refused spouses with the things that they can do to help themselves as they wait to decide, and some of the things to consider as you think about what you want your marriage to be.

If you are in The Interim, if you don’t know what you should be doing, this .pdf is for you. It is available for downloading on my Free Downloads page, listed in the side bar.


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New Sexless Marriage .pdf available

A new .pdf on Addressing Sexless Marriages is now available. Once again, I have gone through my unorganized archives and aggregated articles that I have written on how to start to address sexless marriages.

My first two downloadable .pdfs on Bad & Good Teachings were descriptive, focusing on presenting teachings about sex and marriage that is promulgated by the Church. With this new .pdf, it is my intent to expose strategies and tactics that are used by one spouse to break faith with the other and to present reasons for why these tactics are wrong. I want to help to blow away the fog that befuddles hurting husbands and wives, and then to present strategies for husbands and wives to counter these faithless strategies and tactics.

This is now available on the Free Downloads page. The link is in the page header and in the sidebar to the right. As always, I hope that having these articles collected in one  place is an aid to hurting brothers and sisters in Christ.


Oh, just one word of caution… it’s BIG! It’s nearly 500 kbytes, and apparently, if printed out, it will run about 75-80 pages, so be aware of toner needs.

Sheesh, can I be verbose!

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New Downloadable .pdf

I have aggregated several of my posts into a downloadable .pdf. While not a compendium of all knowledge about marriage, I supplement my Bad Teachings .pdf with what I believe to be biblical teaching about the nature of marriage. As well, I included my series on Mark Twain and Relationships.

This is available on the Free Downloads page. The link is in the page header and in the sidebar to the right.

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Point of Personal Privilege and Pride

Readers, this has nothing to do with the purpose of this blog, but is merely, as the title says, a point of personal privilege. After all, it is my blog, and I hope you will excuse me.

My son and his wife are musicians in Tennessee, and today, they released a single on all sorts of streaming sites. I’ve been sitting on this news for a long time, as the song that they were finally able to release was used in a documentary for Lee University’s 100th anniversary this year.

If you stream music from any of the sites listed below, search for Send Me Forth by Stormy and Adrian. I love the song, and I think you will too. Please, stream, buy and listen. You will enjoy it.

(one proud papa)

Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, TikTok, Google Play/YouTube, Amazon, Pandora, Deezer, Tidal, Napster, iHeartRadio, ClaroMusica, Saavn, Anghami, KKBox, and MediaNet

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Announcing a New Resource

new resource

I ended my last post hinting at trying to develop something new and useful for my readers, and I have finished the first resource.

In my header photo, regular readers will notice that there is a new options/menu. I have created a FREE DOWNLOADS page, and have put up the first resource. In looking at the structure of blogs, the first thing that strikes you is that they are in a stream-of-consciousness format. The last “thought”, or post, is surplanted by the latest post, and moved down. At some arbitrary cutoff point, previous posts disappear from the Home Page, and you can only get to them by either clicking the Older Posts link at the bottom of the home page, or searching for them via the Archive menu or Search box that are usually in the side bar.

Knowing that my posts deal with topics in what I hope are helpful series, and that they are scattered on who-knows-how-many Older Post pages, I was concerned that finding needed information might be difficult for people who come to my sight looking for help with their sexless marriages.

A couple of years ago, I did create the Sexless Marriage page that is linked in my header, in which I aggregated several of my series onto one page, and I think that worked for a while. However, still necessitated following links to posts scattered over many pages/years. And so I decided to simplify info searching for readers.

Using my electronic devices, I am going to gather and edit my posts into .pdfs that I hope will be helpful. By clicking the Free Downloads link at the top of the page, you can go and download the first .pdf that I have pulled together and made available. I hope to add to the collection at the rate one a month, or at least one every other month.

I hope these .pdfs will be of help to you, my readers.



Filed under Marriage & Sexuality

Has It Been Five Years, Already?


Yeah, I guess the calendar doesn’t lie. It was Oct. 18, 2014 that I posted my first article on my new blog, The Curmudgeonly Librarian. As I have indicated elsewhere, I am not a professional counselor, social worker, etc. I am just a crusty old coot (just turned 70!!!) who has done a few laps around the sun and observed a few things while doing so.

Does this qualify me to give out pronouncements on marriage, Christian or otherwise? Obviously I think so, but that isn’t anything that is beholden to you to accept. I will say that I do believe that there is some truth in that old aphorism that says to really screw something up, call in a professional. I do know that we are told that old men should teach young men, and old women should teach young women, so for good or ill, I took up my laptop and started writing.

Before Be Five Be Four!

That is a line from my favorite poet and cartoonist, the late great Walt Kelly. Curmudgeonly Librarian has been four and is now five. Have I learned anything? Yes, I think so, anyway.

First, I accept that I am a niche blogger. I have one message for a single audience. I write to and for Christian men, an underserved audience, I believe. Oh, there are many who want to lecture them and tell them how to be good little Christians, but precious few who want to build them up in God. However, I have no illusions of grandeur and accept that Curmudgeonly Librarian is and will always be a small blog, a voice in the wilderness. I  subscribe to the saying that says that if you can’t be the beach, be willing to be a pebble.

Second, I have learned that, for that niche audience, my blog has been a great help. Now, admittedly, I don’t reach a lot of people. But those few who come looking for me tell me that this small oasis is just what they need.

Third, I’ve noticed something in my viewing stats that is intriguing. WordPress, the company that hosts my blog, has a free service in which they record daily the number of visitors that come to my blog, and the number/title of articles that are accessed on  the Curmudgeonly Librarian. For some time now, I have noticed a trend, that I think gives me insight into the minds and hearts of those who come here.

What I have noticed is that there is a weekly pattern to my statistics. Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays are the site’s slowest days, as there is a decline in the numbers of readers who come here as the weekend approaches. But on Sundays and Mondays, there is a huge spike in visitors and views that begins to taper off as we move into the week. What that tells me is that disappointed, hurting people come to my website because of another sexless weekend, one in which they had hoped that somehow, some way, they might have been able to have intimacy with their wives. But the fact that Google, Bing, Duck Duck Go, and other search engines send people to my blog via the search term Sexless Marriage after the weekend tells me that there are people with dashed hopes.

One of my mantras is that marriage shouldn’t hurt, for either husbands or wives, and it bothers me to see the amount of pain that is caused by husbands, wives and, unfortunately, the Church.

New Resource Coming?

Finally, as I have been looking at my blog, with its posts all laid out chronologically, as all blogs are, I think I see a way to organize my content in such a way as to make it more accessible. With that in mind, I am working on a small project that I hope will be useful. I hope to have the first efile up by the end of the month.

Hope to see you soon.


Cupcake image courtesy of Stuart Miles at

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“Leaving Ignorance Behind: Pharisees, part 3” [link]

There is a new post on my other blog, CSL On The Bible, should you be so inclined…

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Respect: A Dirty Word?


In my first post after my undeclared sabbatical, I spoke about how one influential blogger has apparently decided that men are pretty much second class citizens in Christian marriage, anymore. In reading her posts attacking Emerson Eggerichs’ Love & Respect, you are faced with the undeniable fact that Madame DeFarge** embraces the teaching that husbands owe their wives “unconditional love” (after all, LYWACLTC™, don’t you know?). Readers of this blog will recall that in past posts, I have debunked the idea of unconditional love, but, hey,  it’s a major tenet of today’s Church, almost approaching the status of accepted orthodoxy. 

Be that as it may, in one of my Bad Teaching posts, I did demonstrate that the command for husbands to love their wives was accompanied by the command for wives to respect their husbands (this can be found in Eph. 5.33). I pointed out that due to parallel construction, either love and respect are both unconditional or neither is unconditional, that it isn’t a mix ‘n’ match set. It’s just not kosher to say that the husband has to love his wife unconditionally, whereas wives only have to respect their husbands conditionally. Nope. T’aint fair, t’aint biblical.

But this is exactly what Madame DeFarge argues on her blog. In fact, when one commenter said that while a husband’s love should be unconditional but it was alright to require a wife’s respect to be earned, Mme. DeFarge replies “Totally agree!” While Mme. DeFarge says that she is a new convert, her history shows that she has been undermining respect for husbands for several years. After all, three years ago, she wrote a post for her followers asking if they respected their husbands TOO MUCH. Continue reading


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