Monthly Archives: May 2016

Guys, Are You Listening?

A Hubs, last year: “I’d rather just masturbate than go through the hassle of initiating.”

Same Hubs, a year later: “We’re getting a divorce.”

43 Comments

May 29, 2016 · 2:59 pm

Two Surprises…

There is a story that I’ve read where a son writes a letter to his folks telling them that he is gay and that he’s coming out of the closet, that he is going to announce this to the family’s church on the coming Sunday. Then, on the second page of the letter, he tells them that he is NOT gay, but that he got an F in Algebra. He concluded with, “Seems rather insignificant now, doesn’t it?”

I will admit that my ‘surprises’ are insignificant as well, but still, well,… They are my surprises, none the less. Continue reading

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What Is Better, Anyway? pt. 2

better

In my last post, I commented on how refused husbands could relate to and apply the wisdom and knowledge that Chris Taylor, of Forgiven Wife, poured into her blogpost, “I Promise, I’ll Do Better.”

The first part of her post dealt with questions she recommended that a recovering refuser think about asking her husband in order to be intentional in rebuilding their marriage. She told how after discussions or fights about intimacy, she would say to her husband, “I promise, I’ll do better,” but not know what ‘Better’ looked like. I suggested that when refused spouses are given that amorphous promise, they start thinking about what ‘Better’ would actually look like. So, in this episode I want to present a couple of thoughts on her further suggestions about planning and communicating with your wife after your discussion.

Continue reading

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Filed under Marriage & Sexuality

Two Black Holes

readers respond

This is going to be short (well, by my lights, anyway), and certainly won’t answer any questions. But if it prompts someone to action, then well and good.

In response to my last post, one reader wrote a comment and included this at the end of his comment:

In my reading of many of the marriage blogs by wives, I’m starting to think, a lot of the lack of desire in wives for husbands, is a symptom of lack of respect, and appreciation for what the husband does and is.. All the comments about only wanting sex, to me as a man, is very disrespectful. As if my desire for my wife, is perverse or sinful.

And as seems to be the custom of my commenters (my readers are perscipacious, if I do say so myself), he put his finger squarely on something that I’ve been thinking about for a couple of weeks. Oddly enough, I’ve even run some thoughts by Wife. The fact is that while Christian marriage bloggers and writers (I include myself) deal very earnestly with trying to help husbands and wives to improve their relationships and their marriages, there are two specific target audiences that seem to have little to no support at all. These two audiences I refer to as the Black Holes of Advice. Continue reading

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What is ‘Better’, Anyway?

better

As I said in my last post, I’m finding a goodly number of tweets from other marriage/sexuality bloggers showing up on my Twitter feed with links to their articles or archives. Recently, one link led me to an old post from Chris Taylor/The Forgiven Wife that I felt needed to be brought to the attention of refused husbands who read this blog.

For those of you not familiar with the Forgiven Wife blog, it is written by a wife who admits to being a gatekeeper and refuser in the past, but has been on a journey of marital reconciliation and restoration for some years now. Her blog is a ministry to wives who are wanting to make this same journey. She does write for women, and freely admits that her posts aren’t for husbands.

However, the old post that came across my Twitter feed is one that I think husbands should read and think about. Continue reading

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