There’s a way to handle a woman, said the wise old man.
Simply love her.
~ From Camelot.
Earlier this month, Julie Sibert, of Intimacy In Marriage did an excellent post for wives on Three Ways To Like Sex (When You Hate Your Body). It was an excellent post, and as I read it, this song from Camelot came drifting back to my mind. You know that I have a problem with the way that the today’s church has twisted Paul’s instructions for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church.
Yes, the church has absolutely transformed an exhortation to love into a cudgel to be used on husbands. But that doesn’t mean that its misuse is an excuse to excise Eph. 5:25 from our bibles or from our obligations as husbands. Sibert’s article sparked one way that we can fulfill this apostolic exhortation to love our wives.
When I read Sibert’s post, I realized that she had an important message for husbands, as well. I’m not going to rehash her post; you can go read it for yourself at the link I provided. But I do want you to think about her first point, and your role to be the person your wife trusts to tell her the truth about herself. To wives, she wrote, Listen to the Right Voice:
I get it [she wrote]. At every turn, society blares out what “beautiful” is. Magazine covers. The Internet. Clothing that leaves little to the imagination. Reality shows (how is it that this Bachelor show has even survived this long?!).
We are bombarded with what suffices for hot and what is relegated as not.
And she’s only right, you know, and not just about what our Cosmopolitan culture is saying on Beauty, either. Through so many different voices, through many different channels, our culture and society communicate so many lies to our wives, telling them that they aren’t worthy of love, that they don’t measure up to the current paragon of perfection being touted as today’s Ideal. And as the years go by, wives find themselves drifting further and further away from any hope of ever measuring up to that impossible Ideal.
Sibert’s first point, listing to the right voice? That should ring in your heart, because our task, as husbands, is to BE that right voice. Yes, I know that Sibert’s post went on to say that instead of accepting the world’s ideal of beauty, wives should instead be focusing on God’s ideal, that the Right Voice is God. And I agree with her, completely.
Guys, You Be The Right Voice, Too
I agree, except for one thing. As husband to Wife, Eph. 5:25 calls for me to love Wife like He does. And, believe it or not, it gives us guys a hint or two on how to do this. The next verse speaks of our obligation before God to care for our wives to the point of caring for her soul and spirit.
that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, (Eph. 5:26, ESV)
With so many destructive voices, some very enticing, calling to our wives, we husbands need to be the voice that speaks love and worth into their hearts.
Does she hear messages that say she’s not good enough to be loved, let her know that you believe that she is. Jesus died for her, and you can live for her.
Does she hear voices that say say that she’s not beautiful enough, let her know that she is beautiful in your eyes.
Does she hear voices that her past makes her unforgivable, be the voice that speaks forgiveness to her heart.
I know that you have all heard the parable of the talents, and have heard it applied to your spouse. “God gave you his daughter”, the parable goes; “what have you done for His child to help fit her for Heaven?”
Our task, as husbands, is to be the voice that counteracts all those others that seek to drown out God’s voice and communicate love, delight, and hope for the duration of her “til death us do part.”
“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
and bring her into the wilderness,
And speak tenderly to her.
And there I will give her her vineyards
and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.”
~ Hosea 2:14-15a
CSL
The Curmudgeonly Librarian 
Amen!
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Amen!
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I didn’t find her post helpful at all.
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Really? Why? I thought it was an excellent attempt to counter the societal message of body shaming that inundates our media.
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I’d be interested in seeing that idea expanded on. For instance, what does it mean to cleanse her with water with the Word? My wife has tolerated me washing her back before but that’s about it and it was tolerated, mind you. She wasn’t into it. I kind of doubt that’s what it means. Or how about the idea of helping to fit her for heaven? I can speak kindly to her and pray for her but in today’s culture, I’m not given much ability past that, particularly in cases like mine. What does that look like? I try to tell her that she is beautiful and I am pretty sure she doesn’t subscribe to the world’s idea of beauty in general terms with the exception of her hair, which she finds too thin and hates wearing down, and her waistline. Those are two areas where I am still trying to convince her that she doesn’t have to have thick luxurious hair or a tiny waist to be beautiful but I’m not sure she’s hearing me.
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You can’t be her, and you can’t make her listen, but you can still choose to do you. Yes, there may be competing voices in her head and in the world around her, but you can still keep saying the truth to her.
As to washing with the water of the word, I refer you back to that old story of the farmer who told a new hired hand to take the old, beat-up basket from the barn down to the creek and bring back a basket of water. When the guy protesed that it was impossible, the farmer asked, “Who’s paying you” and sent him to the creek. After 5-6 failed attempts, the guy came back, frustrated, saying that it was impossible, that the water just ran through the basket. The farmer picked up the basket, looked at it and said, “You’re right, but it sure cleans a basket, don’t it?”
The point is that we are changed by the message we give ourselves to: in the case of Christians, it should be the message of the Bible that we immerse ourselves in and allow to change us. In this post, I am saying that we husbands need to be the countrr-acting voice to the negative messages that come from our culture. Will she listen? I don’t know, but you do you, and not the world.
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