“It’s Y’ALL’S Sex Life”

Just a quick-hitter this week.

If you’ve read much of my blog, you will have come across the above title any number of times; it’s become one of my mantras. Just a few minutes ago, I read an article that came out last week from the Chicago Tribune, telling of a survey done by the Pew Research Center.

The take-away from the Pew study was supposed to be that shared chores was that the key to a happy marriage. The survey of 35,000 adults showed that 56% of the respondents said that “shared chores” were very important to a happy marriage. In fact, that was the headline of the Pew Center’s article.

But Heidi Stevens, the writer of the Tribune article, in looking at the study noted, that there was another answer given by the 35,000 adults that they considered even more very important, something that the Pew Research Center didn’t bother to headline. By a greater percentage, 61% to 56%. What was that answer, that option, that 35,000 adults said was very important to a happy marriage, that the Pew Center decided wasn’t all that important to headline?

“… a satisfying sexual relationship”


My mind is spinning in so many different directions right now.

First – has it become toxic today to suggest that sex is important to a marriage? Why was the “shared chores” (56%) touted over the “satisfying sexual relationship” (61%), if not because of political correctness? It would appear that to come out and say “A satisfying sex life is the key to a happy marriage” is so scary that the Pew Center went with the second-most popular answer, because it fits with today’s dogma and cant of what constitutes the right perception of relationships. Could that actually be the case?

My money is on “Yes.” (Also, the Pew researchers would stink on Family Feud.)

Second – Church, are you listening? Pastors, are you awake? For me, the money quote is Stevens’ short paragraph:

Which leaves me with two thoughts. One: Marriage doesn’t look the way it used to. Two: We don’t really give people the tools to be successful at it.

If the answer to the question, “What is the one thing that does the most toward building a happy marriage” is “a satisfying sex life,” we are failing abysmally in teaching the folks in the pew that truth. We have a whole bunch of other bad teachings (see the Sexless Marriage link in the header, above, for my writings on that), but finding serious teaching about the importance of sex? It’s like searching for oases in the Sahara.

Yes, Stevens goes off the rails with her final remedies, but she is truly on point when she questions how we basically teach for failure at marriage with our woefully inadequate support system for those (everybody?) thinking about marriage. We may teach shibboleths, both popular and religious, but we don’t prepare people for the realities of marriage, do we?

Third – the article title (mine, not the Tribune’s). I used my mantra about “y’alls’ sex life” because of the findings of the survey. To me, you can’t define a “happy marriage” based on a one-out-of-two election. I’m sorry, but if only one person can say that they are happy in the marriage, it’s not a happy marriage!!!

The Tribune article and the findings of the Pew study say that a “satisfying sex life” is the key; not satisfying to just one of the two people involved. Satisfying for both. It’s a common mindset, to downplay the importance of sex in marriage: “It’s just sex”, “It’s just icing on the cake”, etc. This new study blows that thinking out of the water.

New info, folks. Read both the Tribune article and the Pew report of the study. This is new ammo for the struggle for a good/great marriage. Take it and run with it.



Filed under Marriage & Sexuality

7 responses to ““It’s Y’ALL’S Sex Life”

  1. This is great! Yes it takes two to tango among other things! 🙂
    It only takes one to do a chore, in most cases!
    I’m with you, on the political correctness nonsense!
    In my opinion, Christian married couples should be delighted in enjoying marital sexual relationships: we are meant to be intimate, we should enjoy procreation.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Good catch on this. Maybe they want us to have sex outside marriage rather than enjoying it in marriage?

    Liked by 1 person

    • That may be a thought some will come away with, but it seemed to me that Stevens’ intent was to push for comprehensive sex-ed public schools.

      Her point about not teaching for marital success is spot-on, though. As I said, the Church’s messaging about marriage and sexuality is of no use. And the reason that I wrote this post wasn’t for my specialized audience, but to spotlight the study for folks like you, Lori, J. Parker, Julie Sibert and others who have wider audiences and can spread the word. Basically, I’m still performing Library Services. 🙂


      • Keep doing what you do well! (Article noted, BTW)

        The “they” was the Pew Research Center, and their odd slant.
        I would agree we need better and different sex education, but I doubt I would go the way most would. I see sex education as part of marriage preparation. Rather than telling kids sex will “either ruin their lives or kill them” I would try to help them understand sex outside of marriage hurts sex in marriage, while sex in marriage can be so much better than anything else.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you. You’ve got the big megaphone, so I’m going to sit back and look for your article on this study. And you already have your filters in place, so it’ll be palatable to more viewers. 🙂


  3. alchemist

    There doesn’t necessarily need to be an agenda (although there may well be). I would think they didn’t spotlight the satisfying sex life – because it’s *super obvious*. Sharing chores, on the other hand, is not as obvious. I don’t think of sharing household chores as a requirement for me to be satisfied in marriage.

    That a secular newspaper comes out with bizarre conclusions like “we need better comprehensive sex ed.” is no surprise. Nor is the unsupported statement that good marriages now is somehow superior to what it ever was or that it’s an “evolving social contract” very surprising. Those two are simply remnants of the humanistic constant evolution- someday we’ll all evolve into god-like beings in a perfect society- myth

    Liked by 1 person

    • A while back I began a post by giving the three types of people in the world: optimists, pessimists, and curmudgeons. Optimist see a glass as half-full, pessimists see a glass as half-empty, and curmudgeons not only see the half-empty glass but are pretty sure that somebody spit in the half that’s left.

      I say that to say this: you may be correct, that there doesn’t HAVE to be an agenda, but I’m thinking that if you actually believe that, your portfolio is heavily loaded with waterfront property in Florida. Given today’s feminist agenda, I think it would be absolutely within the realm of reason that sex be passed over for a story on choreplay.


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