Just an odd thought: At what point in a marriage does it become acceptable for one spouse to rewrite the wedding vow from
I take you to be my lawful wedded wife/husband …, and forsaking all others keep myself only unto you,
into
… forsaking all others AND you, keep myself for me alone.
Filed under Marriage & Sexuality, Marriage and Sexuality
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| curmudgeonlylibraria… on Truly Miserable? |
| curmudgeonlylibraria… on Truly Miserable? |
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The Curmudgeonly Librarian 
Simple answer………..the moment the wife decides she’s had her last child!
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Phil, you mis read the question. I asked when did it become “accepted”, not when does it usually happen. 🙂
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CSL that all depends from which perspective you look at your question, ie the witholder or witholden…….you know I agree with you that it’s never acceptable but I’m glad you agree as to when it nornally happens!
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Well, not necessarily “normally.” I’ve also read where guys get the news when menopause is finished, with a statement that “that aspect of my life is over.” But, whether it is after the last kid or the last period, a unilateral edict is not an acceptable rewrite of the vows. 🙂
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When she believes the lie that not all of God’s word applies to her.
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When she is so consumed by pain and fear that “alone” is the only safe place for her.
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So, the “for better or worse” part also gets tossed?
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No sir. Admittedly, retreating the way I did was wrong in relation to my marriage vows, but also necessary for my own healing. The sexless era of our marriage was painful for my husband, but I believe we would not be on the hill today had we not gone through the valley before. We had to stop pretending and face some difficult issues.
A wife admitting she doesn’t want sex can be a good thing if she doesn’t stop there. She needs to acknowledge this is a problem and do the hard work of learning why she feels this way and changing her attitudes and beliefs. Then she has the freedom and power to say a true yes to sex because she knows she has the freedom and power to say no.
I wonder if saying no to sex is the beginning of saying no to TAG?
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Good morning, IS. Do you realize that the heart of your reply hangs on a simple, two-letter word: the word “IF”:
“if she doesn’t stop there.”
I agree with you; I am all for taking timeouts, IF they are needed and IF the the one calling the timeout makes good-faith efforts to resolve issues. After all, Paul wrote about taking time-outs for prayer (and by agreement) in I Cor. 7.
But, as THIS post says, unilaterally rewriting the vows just ain’t kosher. If one can rewrite the conditions of the contract, why can’t the other?
“I wonder if saying no to sex is the beginning of saying no to TAG?”
Ah, but that’s a post for another day. (Oh, wait. I DID that. 🙂 )
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