“Silence Like A Cancer Grows…”

This isn’t going to be a long one, as I’m still working on Mom’s recollections, but I wanted to post about a new realization that occurred to me this past week.

As I’ve said in previous posts, I use my Twitter feed to keep up with other marriage bloggers connected with the Christian Marriage Bloggers Assn. (CMBA). Several that I follow on Twitter link to random posts from their archives, and even though these are older posts, I will scan them for the wisdom that they contain.

Recently one came through from Forgiven Wife, and while the post was excellent, as usual, one of the comments brought me up short. A man who had been refused for some time told of being vulnerable to temptation to stray and admonished wives to at least attempt to be there for their husbands. He finished with these words, which have been rolling over in my mind for several days:

Doing nothing is not an option: actions speak louder than words but IN-ACTIONS scream in the ear every minute of the day!

The accepted shibboleth is that while a wife may have contributed to her husband’s weakness, “Hon, he chose to sin, you did not make him sin.” It’s a nice comfort, but I’m contrarian enough to wonder if the guy went over the wall, didn’t she at least give him a boost?

Be that as it may, this guy’s last sentence has been in the back of my mind, and now I think I know why. Two seemingly unrelated phrases come together to help me comprehend the importance of what he was saying.

1 – He referred to the common adage that “actions speak louder than words”, and tied that to the reverse of that, inaction, and suggested that inaction also conveys a message.

2 – I’m a product of the 60’s, and one of my favorite groups was the folk duo of Simon and Garfunkel. They had many a monster hit, including Sounds of Silence, which showcased Paul Simon’s abilities to create vivid poetic images. As the song nears its conclusion, there are two lines that go:

But my words like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells
Of silence

As Christians, we put store in actions; after all, it was James who said, “Show me your faith without deeds, and I’ll show you my faith by my deeds.” (2:18) And there’s that popular line that says, “If you were accused of being a Christian, would there be enough evidence to convict?” As I said, we put a great store in action. Is this husband correct to turn it on its head and, in effect, say “Your inactions demonstrate that you don’t love me.”

If actions speak louder than words, don’t inactions make any protestations of love merely echoes in the “wells of silence”? After all, “what you are doing (not doing) speaks louder than your words.”

Just a thought………

oh, here’s a link to a Disturb-ed cover of Sounds of Silence. Powerful.


Filed under Marriage & Sexuality, Uncategorized

4 responses to ““Silence Like A Cancer Grows…”

  1. Phil

    That IN-ACTIONS scream in the ear every minute of the day is certainly true of my world. The sound of silence is deafening.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. If women come only realize what a huge point this man makes by this statement. Problem is a man cannot make this statement to his wife and she hear it in a way that helps the marriage. Walls come up and they go backwards. I believe this is an honest plea from not just this man but men in general. At least those that know our God has so much more in mind for us as couples.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Read around. The purpose of this blog is to help guys make the statement in ways that it may be heard. One of the things I am big on is realizing that doing nothing changes nothing. God isn’t in the business of performing Jedi Mind Tricks so a guy can get lucky with the missus. He wants Christians to have real marriages, and those don’t happen by accident or by wishing. I believe that they happen by intention, and it’s my purpose to help.


  3. Doug

    I am at the point where every time she says, “I love you”, to me, internally I tell myself, “I doubt it.” Most of the reasons behind that internal response are things she doesn’t do. My love languages are touch and acts of service. She does some of the latter – mostly meals she cooks – but I get about one meaningful touch from my wife per week.

    Liked by 1 person

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